Deep, Deep Breaths

I could break down again.
for the 100th time today.
I didn't need a weekend like this.
Especially after a week like that.

I've honestly never seen so many people crying so hard.

I have hope though, hope for the future.
Frustration is just cradling me right now. I'm just being a baby and bathing in it.
Tired.
Frustrated.
Worried.
Uncomfortable.
Betrayed?
Mixed emotions.
In one big, fat, greasy sauce pan
Boiling up and making a fat day.

Baby, baby.
God sure did give me tears though.

Hah, I felt like I had no say in this. And then I thought, and the tables were turned around to the person who was responsible for it. What if we did this? Where would YOU be? The group as a whole, effects one person. Doesn't it?
It's like a king who thinks he has power, until the people realize there's lots of them, and one of him.
Hehe.
I don't think we'd ever consider something so drastic.

I think Ryan could start something, though. I know I know I know he could. And for some reason (this sounds horrible), I think the fact that we could choose to follow him as our pastor instead of someone else would cause us to become more motivated. And pressure or limitations wouldn't be present. I think you'd know. You've got 100+ people on your side right now. And the journey has just begun.

But again, I've never felt so ignored. So miniscule. Meaningless? Disrespected. Hurt. Untrusted. Disregarded.

And now I feel like God took away something that felt like home, to show me a real home, ya know?
God isn't limited to churches and stages. He's here. In my fingertips. Pressing the keyboard. In these thoughts.
Moving this mouth.
Chewing this gum! hah, awww Lindsay Guard...

This isn't the end.

My eyes are burning. I think I'm out of tears.

Today is for you God.
And may something extraordinary come out of this.
You work sooooo mysteriously.
Let it be...

Listen






Sleep well.

Unsure,
Chris