So, I Lied...

"Christianity has often offered little to the world, other than the hope that things will be better than heaven."

And i would have to agree.

Agree also that Jesus wrecked my life. Shane and I had a similar plan, a similar pre-time, as to put it.
Why am I trying to be first?
How does getting a good job work?

Yet I also think...
Could you work hard in school to get a good job, and not be greedy with your money?
Could you reach out to the people you work with?
Is there a Paul today like there was then?


And then there's youth group...
and the fire...

Mike Bhatti and I once walked around Downtown Phoenix. Almost a year ago. We handed out sandwiches, and had bible verses in them, with water, to people living on the streets. He introduced me to his good friend, Danny i believe his name was, and his wife. Almost 6 years they'd been in and out of Phoenix. I found it awkward that they actually travel like birds through the seasons, going north, or south, or wherever to find a somewhat better climate. I think what caught me the most was the fact that Mike had introduced this guy to Jesus, and Danny had given up drugs and alcohol, or so he said. But, living out there everyday without a consistent place to rest your head not knowing if you'll even wake up in the morning, and giving up everything you've ever felt close to because Jesus felt closer. I wonder how he is doing right now...

It makes me feel like God is everywhere. It's hard to see, but everywhere, where least expected. I think it knocks down everyone else and pulls the banner higher, shouting "I use the weak to shame the strong". And it makes me want to do something but I feel like I'm so young and I can't, and I feel weak. But maybe I can do something, and God will use me to shame the strong. It feels a bit prideful, maybe I shouldn't get ahead of myself.

I just feel helpless. I'm a 15 year old kid who's told 5 different things from 20 other people and I don't know what's exactly fact, who to talk to, and where God wants me next. It's dangerous. But I just wanna talk. Will you sit and talk with me? Is it wrong to crave such knowledge? Tell me why I should keep going! Encourage me! Tell me where I shouldn't go, tell me where I should. Tell me where you wanna go or what Jesus is doing for you right now. Tell me how you feel about this subject and why, or that subject and why. Tell me anything.

It's a pretty wide matter for such a narrow path...

Ramble ramble ramble.

Wondering where exactly "Idunnobro" is on the map,
Chris

I'm Excited

For summer.
I'm excited for time on my hands.
But i'm not excited for that either, knowing me.

I'm excited for Travis.
I'm excited to see who he is when he comes back.
I'm excited for him to see me when he gets back.

After listening to his testimony Saturday, I understood more.
He appreciates so much even at the littlest of things.
He smiles when everyone else can't really find too much to smile about.
I think he understands.
I think he appreciates.
I think that's why God gave him this opportunity.
Because he'd grow so much from it.
And i think that's why I'm here, because I can learn so much from home.
I just don't see it.

I feel like I see God putting everyone else up, but I just kinda hang back.
I think I get jealous.
I think I'm missing something.

I think I should go read now.

Mmmm! Wisdom! Feed it to me...

If we try to prove to God how much we love Him, it is a sure sign that we really don’t love Him. The evidence of our love for Him is the absolute spontaneity of our love, which flows naturally from His nature within us. And when we look back, we will not be able to determine why we did certain things, but we can know that we did them according to the spontaneous nature of His love in us. The life of God exhibits itself in this spontaneous way because the fountains of His love are in the Holy Spirit.


and,



this makes me think a lot.

Goodbye 3 Day Weekend

Monday is almost here.
This was a great weekend, hands down.
Thursday night Brandon stayed over.
Friday night I saw Brighten and The Summer Set Live
Got TPed by Alex and Tallia, who did a crappy job by the way.
Saturday, I slept in and caught up on my sleep! Yes!
I discovered my new power at breaking piñatas without even touching them.
Travis shared his testimony, got baptized, played charades. Then went to see Goodnight Darling and Kimmy sing at Relay For Like at midnight.
Worked all day at studio fourteen, but got a break when I heard Ron Merrel speak.

I really need to start managing my time better. I remember I used to have a schedule I planned for myself. Though my days weren't the closest thing to similar, time became balanced, and self accountability. So, maybe I'll try that again.

Instead of starting the Irresistible (I have a hard time spelling that) Revolution thanks to Ryan Guard, I'm starting Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. Any hesitations about me reading it, Ryan, tell me now! :)

Amtrak is for lovers....

Another weekend in the transit station
eyes glue to hands of the rushing clocks that won't wait for just anyone
she awaits the R2 patiently
with gifts clinched under arms for her lover that she misses oh so much right now....



who wants to go on a train ride with me?

Oh, Happy Day

Lifewithoutlimbs.com

It's 1 AM

And i can't sleep.

Stupid insomnia.
I think I'll start reading Irresistible Revolution
or play free rice.. wooooooooo

You punched a hole in my sleeve,

wrapped your love through it, and hung me on your neck, close to your heart.
You have left me on the floor with no one
You have made my mind race, and not slow down a bit,
You have jumbled my thoughts, and re-worded my questions
and I wouldn't have it any other way.

It's been about a week since I've posted, but I'm on the ladder once again.
It's always people climbing the ladder that inspire others to climb.
No one ever gets off the ladder and tells people "hey, you should be climbing"
But that's what I was doing.
I thought I could give myself a modified "rest"
Which, in reality was no rest truly
And i understand now God never wanted that for me.

It is most definitely the time of change here.
People are quickly moving in and out of my life as of the last two months, starting with one and leading to a chain of those going off. I think I was called to stay. I also have no choice because, hah, I'm a freshman. What are my goals here? What am I trying to get to?

You are only experiencing my thoughts. I've been sleep deprived, starting from Saturday night. Travis and I's rendezvous kept me out late :), and hiking, and then school, and now blah.
I'm doing surprisingly well. My lowest grade is an 80%, with just 2 B's and 4 A's! I think I could pull off a fair grade this quarter.

I'm up on my feet again, but I'm folding my sheets so they'll be ready for next time. There's a time for everything, right?

Wishing you could stay,
Chris

Staying awake

I argue a lot on what is really morally "right", and morally "wrong".

I think I base my friendships on a lot of it. But I think I've found myself in a bit of a ditch, where it seems as if things aren't the same between the people who I felt close to. And I think these are some of the reasons. Here's things I've been experiencing in friendships:

Oh yeah, things are really funny. Life is fun, people are hilarious. But how far? What does cussing mean to you?
Drinking? Smoking? Is hookah considered smoking? What about smoking tea (something my friends are getting into)?
Smoking is smoking, isn't it? What about having sex before marriage? I mean, you have to let yourself out someway...right?

Do humans make exceptions?

What does it mean to have a friendship founded on Christ?
I think living a regular life seems so tempting, and people try to mix the two and get away with it.

I'm totally lost in this. I can't remember the last deep conversation I've had. Other than today, everything has been completely random, and somewhat a blur for these past few weeks. I feel somewhat lost in social discussions now, because it feels like it's something I'm missing. It seems like people aren't interested in conversation so much anymore, and there's not a source where I feel like I can ask questions openly. Maybe there is, and I'm just totally blinded.

You can only spend so much time with yourself.

Waiting upon your thoughts,
Chris

"Teach me something, your words are truly my inspiration..."

I forgot to mention yesterday

I kicked hallie's phone 8 stories from the roof of the parking garage.

Sorry hallie!!!!!!!

I luffff youuu

Heh!

Took the easiest test ever today.

Test was handed out at 12:00, handed it back at 12:34, then took an hour and a half nap in class.

65 questions. swooshhh

(almost) literally:

how do you raise fish for testing?

a) put them in a tank and keep it well maintained and the fish well fed
b) catch them from the river
c) keep them in your bath-tub
d) what are "fish"?

Haha, watch me fail it.

Then hung out with Lydia and Hallie (she's been my shadow, huh?), went to the tempe parking garage
Discussed at church. I like those conversations.

I need peace of mind. My brain isn't slowing down.

I suck at blogging!

so, how's your week been? :)

looking up,
Chris

I think this is the furthest

away i am from where I should be

And I think God is really pushing himself onto me
but I'm kind of shrugging it off.

I think something I do too much is long too much on how things used to be
and procrastinate on what the future should be like.

Iris Lee, a senior at my school, got accepted into Princeton, Harvard, and Yale.
I think the temptation of being so smart and feeling so good being accepted into such places is going to deprive me from time
of God and his plan.
Maybe there's a balance of both, but I'm barely making it now with just honors classes. I'll be in AP human geography next year, along with zero hour. I'm not quite sure what I should do. I think I'll start a schedule, I'm just bad at routine. My days are always eventful, and plans are always changing.

And there's these conversations that aren't rising up from the ground. And things getting to me that really aren't big deals.
But things are kept to myself more now. Things are just different.

Just another season right?

Not all things are bad though. I went hiking this sunday morning with Alex, Jason, Keira, Kevin, the Gunkel's and Colton. Seriously had a great time, and we plan on going again soon.

And driving to the top of South Mountain at dusk with Jason and Hallie, and the suns game later that night with her made her coming back already worth it. I've missed you so much, darling!

Looking brighter, I promise,
Chris

---- Edit ----
Wait wait wait.
Thank you, Ryan
Luke 15
I want to see you again soon!

Sing, With Your Head Up

"With your eyes closed.
Not because you love the song, but because you love to sing. Because you love to sing..."

I don't really know the words to this part of my life, but I'll keep singing like I do. Because I love singing.
Maybe I should read that book full of reliable lyrics.
Maybe I just need someone to sing with me.

Maybe I just ramble and type because I don't want to do my homework or study for the world history test tomorrow.

Maybe it's all of it.

sdkfa;lfjfg;

Today was a very notable day, for several reasons.

My good friend Hallie returned from Oregon! and today was her first day back at school. She surprised me by coming into english, after I saw her schedule and realized we had no classes together. Then she got it changed at last minute when she realized how easy her class was. She came over after school and we chatted, laughed, remembered the good old times. Very nostalgic, right?

Ryan Guard occupied the next half of my evening. I hadn't seen that booger in a couple of weeks. It was refreshing; I don't feel like I've had a good conversation like that in some time. I had a lot I was thinking about, so I'm not sure if my words came out correctly. I think I told him that I only went to church because I had nothing else to do. haha! I didn't think about it until Katie asked me at church later on what Ryan and I talked about. I also remember giggling, mostly because the employees at starbucks were in a meeting that reminded us of a 3rd grade class room. "If you can hear me, clap twice...". Then we considered buying a basketball hoop for these downtown kids, but ran out of time. I'll be dumpin my piggy bank later to see if I can afford one! Or maybe just save up to plant a well for some tribes. You know, cuz everyone does that.

Merge was nice as well. I met this girl, Jade from Tennessee. She lived out in the boondocks, I guess, and had never had Jamba Juice or Carls Jr before. I began asking her things as if she were a martian. "Have you heard of Dillards? McDonalds? Chipotle?" it was funny.

I wonder a lot if where I'm going is right. I see a lot of things going on around me that seem to be isolating me. But I'm not sure the reason. I have ideas. And I want to know more. I'm a little quiet at first, a bit uncoordinated, but I'm down for chatting about life whenever. I have to cut this short...

Mother is calling,
Chris

Just 66 more days...

i miss it so much