My dear Wormwood,

"It remains to consider how we can retrieve this disaster. The great thing is to prevent his doing anything. As long as he does not convert it into action, it does not matter how much he thinks about his new repentance. Let the little brute wallow in it. Let him, if he has any bent that way, write a book about it; that is often an excellent way of sterilising the seeds which the Enemy plants in a human soul. Let him do anything but act. No amount of piety in his imagination and affections will harm us if we can keep it out of his will. As one human has said, active habits are strengthened by repetition, but passive ones are weakened. The more often he feels without acting, the less he will be able to ever act, and, in the long run, the less he will be able to feel.

Your affectionate uncle,
Screwtape"

Books that get into your head are really really good books.

My aunt told me today that if you routinely do something for 21 days straight, your mind sets it as a habit.

I wonder if it works backwards? I need to start tomorrow... there's things I don't want to be habits anymore.

If Ryan Guard is reading this, I miss you! Let's hang out soon. You live down the street for cryin out loud and some dog bones...

So so tiny and insignificant,
Chris

I Wish I Never Got Used To Things

Sitting in class.
Sleeping in my bed.
Eating food generally.
Healthy and available water.

It all just gets soo, hmm, generalized in my brain.

I got one of those feelings again. Where things aren't right, but they used to be. And for quick seconds I feel the way I used to feel about these things. It's uncontrollable. You're probably thinking I'm a freak! Well...that's partly true! hah :)

Spring is making life really well. The flowers blooming from the trees are my inspiration.

I'm almost done with Through Painted Deserts! I think I'll spend a few more weeks in the bible before I move on to my next book.

Cousins should be here soon.

My newest addiction:

Arizona Green Tea


Mmmmmmm.

Patient,
Chris

Spring Break is over

Hah, i actually worked on a bit of an assignment tonight, which signifies that Spring Break is over, and I'm already behind on school work. Tomorrow is the first day back to school, and I already know that -

I've got a Biology test tomorrow
My World History project is due in a week
I need to start reading 1984
I left my math binder in math class
Swimming in p.e. is starting up again soon
There's only 9 weeks left of my freshman year
and 75 days until Hume Lake :)

Today, I went up to South Mountain to go hike a bit with my good friends Jason and Trace, i think that's how you spell his name.
We basically wandered aimlessly amongst the cacti and bushes and people who looked like they knew where they were going,
and didn't get to see a view, but we did do a bit of rock climbing. It was a great day, plenty of sun with a clear sky.
The breeze felt nice as well.

I have only 100 pages left in my book "Through Painted Deserts",
and I have to read "The Catcher In the Rye"
and
"The Perks Of Being A Wallflower"
and a few books my friends have lent me that I need to return.
Reading and writing consume me a lot now.

And I don't know exactly where I'm going otherwise.
Because your morals have changed,
and it seems like it's been a joke.
I've given energy, but we stay in the same spot.

I miss you, really...

Now, go feed people. And don't mind my rambling..



Anxious,
Chris

Im a bit scared

I'll forget important things.
But i don't think I should be.

It's just kind of a thought.
I have this journal, but I rarely write in it. I think I've screwed over the meaning of a journal.
I try to correspond it with my photography, which works occasionally. But i think It'd hold my thoughts more specifically.

These past few days, I've felt the strangest I believe I've ever felt. Things have come out I wouldn't have expected. And It's really shaping my next footsteps. But everything happens for a reason. You see, if we forgot about our pasts we wouldn't understand why we are the way we are today.

"Where we are...there are no ceilings where we are. I could be anywhere as long as Im with you."

Happy Easter,

Infinite Love,
Chris

Digesting, Sitting, Pondering, Etc.

Galatians 6:1-5

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load.

I'm Not Doing Anything On Here

I could be doing so much more.

Ice Cream Truck

I've been squished silly with business since i got home.
Im the filling in the oreo.
dskfjas;df

i like keeping busy though. It keeps me on my feet.
Last night I watched the sunset from the top of a parking garage on mill avenue.
Great view, i'll take you there sometime :)

Im waiting for my books to arrive. Yesterday, I bought The Catcher and the Rye. I know I know, I don't know why I haven't read it yet either. I ordered "The Perks Of Being A Wallflower", "The Screwtape Letters", and "The Irresistible Revolution"'.

Should be getting those soon.
My pre-ordered Alive In Wild Paint album should be here anyday.

Hmmm.

Possessions are such a burden, sometimes.

Since I've been smothered with tacos, and my stomach doesn't believe in anything else besides "Coca" and "Carne o Langua",
I'm going to start getting back in shape. There's also that 3 miles around Hume that I would like to do somewhat better on this year :)



Hume, you look way to beautiful for your own good.

Beautiful Spring Day

Hmm, I hung out with my brother Cody last night and this morning. We ran around my neighborhood. He whooped my butt :)

After hanging out, I came home and threw on some music and sat outside.
There was a breeze. And It was beautiful. Ohhhh so beautiful.
I lay on the grass, looking at the clear sky, spotting the moon and counting the birds.
The grass danced and the trees shivered, and I thought about how amazing God is.
My mother told me it's strange I think this way at such an age.

The wind is still at it. The grass hasn't lost it's energy. The trees are still cold.

I want spring to stay, and summer to never come.

"You can have me anyway you want me. My body is yours. I've got all the love in the world. I've got all the love in the world"

Sitting quietly, mumbling words in the backyard,
Chris

I've been given new eyes

And now I can see. So so clear. I hope I don't loose them.

Mexico was such an experience. I did not want to leave. I feel like I
owe more. That a week of serving others wasn't enough. It isn't.

I didn't miss much about home. I wasn't concerned of text messages or
phone calls or myspace comments. I see what its like living with what
I have, though what I had there was so much more than what I was
giving, which was so much less than what I had.

I wish I could jump in tonight. But I'm a teenager in high school. I
know I can be used, God wants me to stay...for now.

I see where God is calling me. I don't know how much longer he'll let
me stay after school is done. But things can change.

From the clothing aisle in costco,
Chris

I'm Leaving Tomorrow

For a place where...hmm.
I can't be distracted.
I will be at peace. I know i will. I'll make people smile.
I'll be the worn hands and smelly feet of Jesus.

I'm going to Tijuana, Mexico.
The armpit of the continent.
But I feel safe there.

Tonight was a blast. One big fat body of people dancing up and down. Sweat Everywhere.
People falling on stage, on each other, laughing dancing. Ohhh my. The Maine may not be the best musicians but they can put on a show :)

I'm ready for this trip. There's thing I'll leave there. I know. I don't want to come home with them.

I'm ready for this to not be about me anymore, as I stated before.
But drugs aren't just things you smoke or drink or eat or snort.


Fall asleep to Ryan Osterman here.

Wake up to The Maine here.

Enjoy the sunrise and more pictures by clicking here:



No, I didn't photoshop in those clouds. God is just simply amazing, innovative, simple, and divine.

Quiet and Cold,
Chris

Positive

I'm positive now in what I see. I read messages from a few days ago,
when the water was murky and no one would swim. Its clearing up, and
some are testing the water to see if its okay. Some don't like taking
chances. Some just don't feel like swimming. I just want to know
what'll happen if we get back in, and this all happens again. Myself
and others are not sure if its something we want to buy into.

In other news-
I cracked my iPhone screen. Big time. They won't replace it, so I'll
have to dig a some $250 from a place that doesn't even exist in my
home. Possesions are such a burden. The screen still works, the glass
just cracked. I'm actually typing this from my phone.

Why? That word has been tossed up and down a lot now. The screen, the
church, the kids, my family, your family, the hungry, the poor, the
oppressed. Why and how.

Everything happens for a reason.

Sitting in the classroom,
Chris

A Pillow Placed Under My Head

Mmmmm. So so soft.
After tomorrow, I'm home free. For two weeks at least.
Deeeep breaths.
Oh I'm so ready to leave this all behind.
I want a fresh start. I've been given 2 so far, hah. But I always get more motivated each quarter I return.

I'm ready for this to not be about me anymore.
There's more to this than me. My eyes are opening more and more each day.
I'm wide awake, it's morning.

"I could not have known then that everybody, every person, has to leave, has to change like season's;
they have to or they die. The seasons remind me that I must keep changing, and I want to change because
it is God's way. All my life I have been changing. I changed from a baby to a child, from soft toys to play daggers.
I changed into a teenager to drive a car, into a worker to spend some money. I will change into a husband
to love a woman, into a father to love a child, change houses so we are near water, and again so we're near friends
keep changing with my wife, getting our love so it dies and gets born again and again, like a garden fed by four seasons,
a cycle of change. Everybody has to change, or they expire. Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons..."

- Donald Miller, Through Painted Deserts

I think you know. It hurts. Hmmm. Just putting it out there.
I'd leave with you, if I could.

Spring is here.

Deep, Deep Breaths

I could break down again.
for the 100th time today.
I didn't need a weekend like this.
Especially after a week like that.

I've honestly never seen so many people crying so hard.

I have hope though, hope for the future.
Frustration is just cradling me right now. I'm just being a baby and bathing in it.
Tired.
Frustrated.
Worried.
Uncomfortable.
Betrayed?
Mixed emotions.
In one big, fat, greasy sauce pan
Boiling up and making a fat day.

Baby, baby.
God sure did give me tears though.

Hah, I felt like I had no say in this. And then I thought, and the tables were turned around to the person who was responsible for it. What if we did this? Where would YOU be? The group as a whole, effects one person. Doesn't it?
It's like a king who thinks he has power, until the people realize there's lots of them, and one of him.
Hehe.
I don't think we'd ever consider something so drastic.

I think Ryan could start something, though. I know I know I know he could. And for some reason (this sounds horrible), I think the fact that we could choose to follow him as our pastor instead of someone else would cause us to become more motivated. And pressure or limitations wouldn't be present. I think you'd know. You've got 100+ people on your side right now. And the journey has just begun.

But again, I've never felt so ignored. So miniscule. Meaningless? Disrespected. Hurt. Untrusted. Disregarded.

And now I feel like God took away something that felt like home, to show me a real home, ya know?
God isn't limited to churches and stages. He's here. In my fingertips. Pressing the keyboard. In these thoughts.
Moving this mouth.
Chewing this gum! hah, awww Lindsay Guard...

This isn't the end.

My eyes are burning. I think I'm out of tears.

Today is for you God.
And may something extraordinary come out of this.
You work sooooo mysteriously.
Let it be...

Listen






Sleep well.

Unsure,
Chris