Sunday, November 2, 2008

Today Would Be

My 16th birthday.

And, it doesn't feel a whole lot different. I think that when we're younger, parents make it something to celebrate, and what not, but the older you get the more birthdays feel like normal days, with a nice dinner. :) Which isn't so bad. However, I can remember times when I was younger, and I could not wait til I had reached this age.

"MAN. 16? What'll I do when I'm 16. Hmm, the WHOLE world will be in front of me. I could do whatever I want."

Certainly, that is not the case. Maybe, as days continue to pass, I will be given more responsibility and freedom, as the go hand in hand. But, I'd like to include goals for myself that I'd like to see myself accomplish over this year, and hopefully continue on through high school, college, so on and forth.

So, one is to be blogging more. Most certainly not for anyone else but myself, and keep a record on my thoughts.

This was, in fact, the original reason for this blog. However, I felt it lost its meaning after some time. But I was the one who changed the meaning. So, my fault.

Today was a good birthday. I woke up this morning at 5 to hike with kevin, nate, and sara on 3 hours of sleep! Kevin and I got some stuff around town with some giftcards I've received last night. It was fun. I came home, and my dad took me out to practice parallel parking for my drivers test this week! Then, I went to 5 service, and the worship was truly amazing and utterly remarkable. But this service, however amazing, couldn't keep me awake. It was those 3 hours of sleep i've been running on dying on me early. After, I went to YC's for dinner with the fam. It was good. Now I'm home, about to start homework. Hopefully I can go to bed at a decent hour.

I'm going to get more on mobile blogging, because it's easier since I'm not always home, and I don't have to wait for a computer to do so. I guess that's the point.

Not sure If I'm switching to wordpress or not. Blogger is just fine with me.


Sunday, October 19, 2008

It's hard to identify

if the things put on my heart are placed by God or by Satan:

1. Satan is using them to distract me, or
2. if God has given me a vision/goal in which I should seek to meet.

There is something so set in my heart right now, something I wish that I could be doing. And I hope, when my age comes, I would be allowed to do so, because it would only allow me to grow in my relationship with Christ. Sometimes I even become jealous of others who get to experience such things. And I only hope that I'd get to experience it.

And I guess what I'm really worried about is if it doesn't happen. Rather, if I do something that would cause it NOT to happen.

In other words, I'm overly conscious about my thoughts and actions because I feel like if I do something wrong, or say something wrong, it'll only prevent what God has set on my heart from happening. And not only what's set on my heart, but his plans for me that I don't know about, and might not until they approach if they do so.

A lot of it may be the recent absence of time with God in my life, and the lack of knowledge from the bible, but I've been getting back into the word, into books, into meditation on Him. And, I'd like to hear what you'd have to say about the situation.

Monday, October 13, 2008

It's just been

hard finding time to blog

i don't know exactly what to blog about

most people know what I'm doing Via twitter

and, nothing big has happened to me

or maybe, I haven't been paying attention to the little things, rather.

So again, I'm going on a computer fast. this time just for one week. I did the first two weeks, one week of it going into break. And now it'll be the other way around. I'll be going into school. So we'll see how this works.

I hope, each time I do this, my listening range will stop searching aimlessly within the bushes down the street, and pay attention to the stories the carpet and sheets and window blinds have to tell.

Something is happening right around me, but I'm too busy expecting something big. and i'm missing it.

And that's all

Thanks for reading

I miss all of you

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Hit like the tired man driving home by the drunk teen who didn't see him

I forgot
i have it

how blessed
my life is

and I became


and i became


and I have been


Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Blast From The...Fast? I dunno...

Hey all!

I realize it's been weeks since I've updated you at all, about anything.

The past two weeks I spent computer fasting (to my best abilities). Basically, I refrained from myspace and facebook until Keira got home. I loved it really, yet still found myself busy and my time full regardless the computer being off. I guess Satan still finds ways to distract us! Because I didn't read as much as I do WITH the computer available. Anywho, the time spent has been awesome! I've been journaling, and my fear of forgetting things is slowly decreasing, mainly because my camera is out of hiding and I'm up to shooting a lot of picture like I used to.
Whilst the fast, TRAVIS CHAVEZ came up to visit From Tee-Juan-Ahhhh. I've missed that guy so much! His sense of humor was still funny as ever and it was refreshing to see him again. I also witnessed him getting a tattoo that says "On His Right" across his chest. It was quite the experience. I think I need to e-mail R-Guard those pictures, too... Then! Keira came home Sunday night!
We all went to pick her up from the airport and went out to dinner afterwards. At the end of the ramp was just Tori and Shannon, but when Keira came running down, a bunch of other high school kids came out and surprised here. Here's a short clip of the video. I was so excited hugging her wasn't even a conscious thing. Sorry Shannon for hogging her :). Haha.
In other news, my club did not work out. My teacher sponsor was way too busy, and the new school schedule doesn't favor clubs. I'm considering starting something outside of the school though, a little club on our own. More details when I think things up.

Fall break is in just two weeks! I'm excited! I think my cousin is coming down the first weekend, and I might be going to Cali with the church if I can't go to Mexico first. Hopefully I'll be able to make some visits and see some peeps :).

I'll keep you guys more posted on what's going on, my thoughts and such.

Love love love,

Tuesday, August 19, 2008


I'll catch you guys up, if any of you are interested in the world of Chris!

My weekend was packed full
with so many things

that I wrote about in my journal.
and it took up 3 pages
and I don't feel like typing it again


Friday - Hung out with Kevin Cody and Kaylee at Dick's Sporting Goods and rolled down hills and watched the storm at Discovery park
Satuday - Mowed my lawn with Kevin's lawn and hung out at the church. Said the goodbyes to everyone as they went off to college at Sarah's Party. Cried.
Sunday - Church, lunch at Jimmy and Joes, homework

Lisa left for Albany today. I'll miss her so much but if she's on AIM as much as she is now then things won't change too much. I learned how to play Nertz and it is currently my favorite thing to do when I have free time. I have paperwork to start my Pocket Change club, please pray things work out. I'm listening to Copeland, and it reminds me of Winter. I'm researching on fasting and hopefully will be moved to do so soon, if anyone knows about any of that fill me in.

I'm molding into being me. I wore my TOMS to school the other day and I felt horrible. Firstly because of people's remarks towards them and secondly because of me being such a coward that I can't even stand up to these people. But God took that and moved me with it and I knew that the whole time but I still don't understand why I've been so influenced by people's thoughts towards me, or the need to be encouraged. I don't think it's a mistake because God tells us to encourage one another and I hope I do that enough for others just because I know how much encouragement means to me.

Oswald always knows what to say

"Whenever anything begins to disintegrate your life with Jesus Christ, turn to Him at once, asking Him to re-establish your rest. Never allow anything to remain in your life that is causing the unrest. Think of every detail of your life that is causing the disintegration as something to fight against, not as something you should allow to remain. Ask the Lord to put awareness of Himself in you, and your self-awareness will disappear. Then He will be your all in all. Beware of allowing your self-awareness to continue, because slowly but surely it will awaken self-pity, and self-pity is satanic. Don’t allow yourself to say, "Well, they have just misunderstood me, and this is something over which they should be apologizing to me; I’m sure I must have this cleared up with them already." Learn to leave others alone regarding this. Simply ask the Lord to give you Christ-awareness, and He will steady you until your completeness in Him is absolute.

A complete life is the life of a child. When I am fully conscious of my awareness of Christ, there is something wrong. It is the sick person who really knows what health is. A child of God is not aware of the will of God because he is the will of God. When we have deviated even slightly from the will of God, we begin to ask, "Lord, what is your will?" A child of God never prays to be made aware of the fact that God answers prayer, because he is so restfully certain that God always answers prayer.

If we try to overcome our self-awareness through any of our own commonsense methods, we will only serve to strengthen our self-awareness tremendously. Jesus says, "Come to Me . . . and I will give you rest," that is, Christ-awareness will take the place of self-awareness. Wherever Jesus comes He establishes rest— the rest of the completion of activity in our lives that is never aware of itself."

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Starting over

Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my time.

I don't write anymore, like I used to.

I forget what I do, or what's going on in my life.

I'm so sos ososososo consumed with the world.

I'm frustrated with me. I wish I kept up with this more, for my own sake.

Do you think in heaven you won't forget things?

Today, I went to camber and Kevin got a haircut. It looked good. Service started, and I sat with David, Mandy, Tamara and them. After worship I heard the wind blowing through the cracks in the doors, and I heard the lightning, so I went outside. And it was raining. And I thought that since God created the rain it would be okay to miss church. I think God was okay with that. I stood outside and met with Ryan, and old friend I haven't gotten a chance to talk to in a while. He's much older than me, almost twice my age, but it's okay because I feel like I get along with older people. We just talked about things we used to do and things we want to do and things we should be doing because I think we forget a lot. We found a basketball that the students use, and played basketball, using our arms as hoops, and then played some wall ball in the rain. He introduced me to some of his other friends, and we talked for a good amount of time too, I'd say 30-45 minutes. Before Ryan and I went back inside, we saw a huge beetle and put it on his shoe. I snuck up behind his friend that was a girl and tried to throw it on her but she saw us and screamed really loud. I think the people inside heard. It didn't come off, and Ryan was the closest person to me so I thew it at him and he ran across the parking lot. It was fun! We went back inside and enjoyed the rest of the service. Afterwards everyone went out to enjoy the rain again. David and i did a little dance. I felt bad because I didn't hang out with the people I had went with originally - Nate and Michael and I went to fresco before.

Overall it was a good day, and I beat myself for not recording all of this. I can't make excuses for my laziness, but I think that when I get to heaven, I won't have to worry about remembering.

Do you think God lets us remember everything we did here in heaven? Because there are a lot of things I don't want to forget.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Oh, Oswald

"God called Jesus Christ to what seemed absolute disaster. And Jesus Christ called His disciples to see Him put to death, leading every one of them to the place where their hearts were broken. His life was an absolute failure from every standpoint except God’s. But what seemed to be failure from man’s standpoint was a triumph from God’s standpoint, because God’s purpose is never the same as man’s purpose."

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Think think think

First of all, to my last blog, I stated that my father's parent's really didn't care about them. And until after a phone call I'd received from a family member, I realized how over dramatic I made that sound. My grandparents are very loving and caring people, and sometimes we don't mean things that we say when we're tired or frustrated or 'not in the mood'.

I guess that goes for a lot of things! A lot of things are confusing. And I need to think before I speak. I need to understand and take in knowledge before I can say I know what I'm talking about.

I think that's why I'm treading so lightly right now. I don't think I know enough, I don't think I know everything, but in some situations what I do know does not make sense to a lot of people, and what a lot of people know to be true doesn't make sense to me. When I try to speak it doesn't come out right in other people's ears, and when they speak it doesn't sound right to me either, so I'm questioning myself.

School started last monday, almost a week ago. School does not feel the same. A lot of people have graduated, a lot of people have changed, I'm meeting new people, facing new challenges. Over the summer I felt so free from 'the world', and I'm trying very hard not to get into that.

I'm trying really hard not to be on the computer a lot either. I think it's because I don't remember this week, really. I guess it hasn't been much, and therefor my brain really hasn't taken anything huge from this week and stuck it in my memory bank, but I think I need to make life exciting. I can't wait for it to be.

I have a lot of homework, but after that I'll try to do something exciting without going on the computer.

I miss you!

Monday, July 28, 2008

What does it mean to be successful?

Neither of my parents grew up with any sort of spiritual background. My father's parents could care less if he was dead or alive, and my mother's grandparents started a church, but her closer family moved away when my mother was only 5. I came to know the Lord really really really with my own decision in the 7th grade at Cornerstone. My mother was happy for me, and my dad said I could believe what I wanted.

For a long time, my mother was hesitant about ever going to Cornerstone. She'd heard stories of them being too loud, people smoking and making out in the back of the church. She thought it was a bad place, until I made her come to Christmas service where she cried, and has been going ever since.

My mother and I had always seemed to be on the same page as far as our views of Christ until recently. I guess I started to step beyond just what I was learning at church, and pulled out some books, and started to read myself. And learn myself. And my out views have changed in a lot of ways.

What concerns me is how the wealth of the world is divided so so so unevenly, and though we can't get it all back until God melts every heart, it's been such a struggle decided what I want to do in my life, and what I want to do about THAT issue.

My mother has always told me that school comes first, best effort, best education, best degree, get all the money you want, and spend it the right way. Only work 3 days a week, get a paid to be off, and spend your time with the kids in Africa, give your money to build houses and schools. She talks so much about how important money is. How I think so much about living life for God, but it's not 'reality'. I need money to live, and I need money to support and provide for my family. Which, is true.

Shane Claiborne wrote how he basically became homeless and reached out into people just in his community (truth be told that, although people get to here the Gospel several times in the U.S., it's no good if it's the wrong Gospel, or if it was set by a bad example. And I think regardless the fact if they'd heard it or not, there's still just as big a party when a sinner becomes saved) in his book The Irresistible Revolution. He got money from people who already had money, and he spent his life focused on the lives of other's and assuring Jesus was their personal savior, and by letting God handle who gave the money and how much.

A lot of people without money do it. They ask the people who have money to give it to the right causes besides bigger houses and nicer cars and things. Is it better that way? Is it better to explain the cause to get the money? Or is it better to work a high paying job where people are most likely paying thousands to you for your service (dentistry, being a doctor, graphic design, etc.) and use your money that way. I think that's tricking almost, and it's not even first hand.

Jesus also said that the beggar who gives his 2 pennies to the church has more faith than the rich man who only donated a few hundred. The beggar has more trust and gave everything he had, while the rich man only donated what he felt was sufficient.

I hear the words 'success' and 'successful' a lot. I go to one of the top high schools in the state, and all the teachers are just talking about making money and 'being successful?'

What does it mean to be SUCCESSFUL? Successful in CHRIST? Is it getting the good education and the high paying job and using your money for Christ and to do good with it like my mother suggests? Or is it being a person who puts Christ first, and seeks the hearts of those who have held the money and hopes that God would melt their heart and ultimately like Shane. Is it having a regular job and doing your best to support what you can? Is it about having your job being Christ related? Or is it not even about that?

Where does money come in play with being successful in Christ?

How does this all fit together?