Almost a week in

and I still feel like I'm in school. I suppose it's the abundance of events that keeps my days feeling like a super busy weekend. Grad parties, bowling, movies, friends houses, late nights, Birthday parties, video games, sleep overs, more parties. Hah! It's easy to be consumed by everything, although I have making time to read and relax as well. Twitter is good for following.

Today was something different. We were presented with a new youth pastor. The situation was far from expected, and a guy ,who is local and familiar with some friends, was invited on to stage. He presented himself fairly well among the students and leaders, but I seem to have felt a way that some others did, too. It was time for me to break down the wall. Ryan Guard did not leave my mind. It was not him who told me to keep this wall up, because he has taught me well! I love him for that. And I hope that we still can talk like it's Sunday morning even as his adventure continues, but you'd probably be startled at how many people and things remind me of the way he speaks. The way he presented himself seemed so original in my eyes that I felt like any other who would do the same just wasn't being original. Or sometimes it didn't feel the same. And I realize that it's just some other thing keeping me where I am. Though Ryan will always have his big comfy place in my heart, there's others who can teach me from the same stage. So my heart opened up a little, and I followed a little more of his footsteps, and his actions. He's a very nice fellow, and his family is amazing as well. I've gotten to know his kids and stuff, and they're nice kids! I don't expect, but hope that this new coming will somehow connect everyone together again. Maybe this is someone who will listen, too. Maybe the church doesn't like listening sometimes. People have left cornerstone because they feel forgotten. And some recent decisions aren't making too many people feel on fire. The more I read, and the more I learn, the more I feel the inspiration to start a new type of church. Silly, for someone my age to think about I suppose. Maybe I'm just being naive. I don't want to continue to go somewhere where the rules are kind of bent, and Jesus is in 90% of the room, but they still spent all of that money on that big screen that could've done something better. I'm seriously about to ask my mother if I can give my clothes and bed and dresser and sell my television. I don't need it. I only need few clothes. My mattress is comfortable. Blankets, a few sheets. I recently read the Irresistible Revolution, and in chapter 4 Shane brings up the story when Jesus tells the rich man to give all he owns to the poor. Maybe he was just saying so because the rich man was ruled by money, and if you have control over money a little better than he did, God wouldn't ask you because he knows what your rules importances are. This is really long! Sorry if you have to read through all of this. I'm just rambling now. I've switched through about 4 topics.

But my question(s) is(are) - what does it mean to live for Him? To follow Him, and not use a high-lighter to just point out which parts of the bible that you agree with? And only what you really need? Why does God give us laptops and cell phones? They're good tools, right? But they cost money. What's God's opinion on that? What you can and can't spend your money on, if he knows it won't rule you. What would it be like to follow Him in a church like that? Where numbers don't matter. Where materialistic things don't matter. Is it right to spend your money on things that people will say "Ooh, a waterfall! Nice! Anddd, they clean their floors. ANDDDD the paint looks nice. I want to go to THIS church...". What would it look like if there's a plain building on the side of the road with the paint chipping off the walls, but everyone inside is on fire and worshipping and using their abilities to reach about beyond the walls. A church that won't keep to themselves more than just once every month. Are there already ones out there like that? When will there be one? Who will start one? Which church is the church Jesus REALLY wanted? And if you know the difference, why not do it anyway?

I once got a little fob from Cornerstone. It had the verse that says "Never do wrong, in order to do right", or something or other. Though he's directing it towards things about decisions and actions on a more of a lying and telling the truth basis, what about how you run the church? If you know it's wrong, even if it'll "bring more people", it's not right, is it?"

Thank you for reading! Let me know.

Pondering,
Chris