It's hard to identify

if the things put on my heart are placed by God or by Satan:

Either
1. Satan is using them to distract me, or
2. if God has given me a vision/goal in which I should seek to meet.

There is something so set in my heart right now, something I wish that I could be doing. And I hope, when my age comes, I would be allowed to do so, because it would only allow me to grow in my relationship with Christ. Sometimes I even become jealous of others who get to experience such things. And I only hope that I'd get to experience it.

And I guess what I'm really worried about is if it doesn't happen. Rather, if I do something that would cause it NOT to happen.

In other words, I'm overly conscious about my thoughts and actions because I feel like if I do something wrong, or say something wrong, it'll only prevent what God has set on my heart from happening. And not only what's set on my heart, but his plans for me that I don't know about, and might not until they approach if they do so.

A lot of it may be the recent absence of time with God in my life, and the lack of knowledge from the bible, but I've been getting back into the word, into books, into meditation on Him. And, I'd like to hear what you'd have to say about the situation.

It's just been

hard finding time to blog

i don't know exactly what to blog about

most people know what I'm doing Via twitter

and, nothing big has happened to me

or maybe, I haven't been paying attention to the little things, rather.

So again, I'm going on a computer fast. this time just for one week. I did the first two weeks, one week of it going into break. And now it'll be the other way around. I'll be going into school. So we'll see how this works.

I hope, each time I do this, my listening range will stop searching aimlessly within the bushes down the street, and pay attention to the stories the carpet and sheets and window blinds have to tell.

Something is happening right around me, but I'm too busy expecting something big. and i'm missing it.

And that's all

Thanks for reading

I miss all of you