Update!!!!¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll catch you guys up, if any of you are interested in the world of Chris!

My weekend was packed full
with so many things

that I wrote about in my journal.
and it took up 3 pages
and I don't feel like typing it again

Summary:

Friday - Hung out with Kevin Cody and Kaylee at Dick's Sporting Goods and rolled down hills and watched the storm at Discovery park
Satuday - Mowed my lawn with Kevin's lawn and hung out at the church. Said the goodbyes to everyone as they went off to college at Sarah's Party. Cried.
Sunday - Church, lunch at Jimmy and Joes, homework

Lisa left for Albany today. I'll miss her so much but if she's on AIM as much as she is now then things won't change too much. I learned how to play Nertz and it is currently my favorite thing to do when I have free time. I have paperwork to start my Pocket Change club, please pray things work out. I'm listening to Copeland, and it reminds me of Winter. I'm researching on fasting and hopefully will be moved to do so soon, if anyone knows about any of that fill me in.

I'm molding into being me. I wore my TOMS to school the other day and I felt horrible. Firstly because of people's remarks towards them and secondly because of me being such a coward that I can't even stand up to these people. But God took that and moved me with it and I knew that the whole time but I still don't understand why I've been so influenced by people's thoughts towards me, or the need to be encouraged. I don't think it's a mistake because God tells us to encourage one another and I hope I do that enough for others just because I know how much encouragement means to me.

Oswald always knows what to say

"Whenever anything begins to disintegrate your life with Jesus Christ, turn to Him at once, asking Him to re-establish your rest. Never allow anything to remain in your life that is causing the unrest. Think of every detail of your life that is causing the disintegration as something to fight against, not as something you should allow to remain. Ask the Lord to put awareness of Himself in you, and your self-awareness will disappear. Then He will be your all in all. Beware of allowing your self-awareness to continue, because slowly but surely it will awaken self-pity, and self-pity is satanic. Don’t allow yourself to say, "Well, they have just misunderstood me, and this is something over which they should be apologizing to me; I’m sure I must have this cleared up with them already." Learn to leave others alone regarding this. Simply ask the Lord to give you Christ-awareness, and He will steady you until your completeness in Him is absolute.

A complete life is the life of a child. When I am fully conscious of my awareness of Christ, there is something wrong. It is the sick person who really knows what health is. A child of God is not aware of the will of God because he is the will of God. When we have deviated even slightly from the will of God, we begin to ask, "Lord, what is your will?" A child of God never prays to be made aware of the fact that God answers prayer, because he is so restfully certain that God always answers prayer.

If we try to overcome our self-awareness through any of our own commonsense methods, we will only serve to strengthen our self-awareness tremendously. Jesus says, "Come to Me . . . and I will give you rest," that is, Christ-awareness will take the place of self-awareness. Wherever Jesus comes He establishes rest— the rest of the completion of activity in our lives that is never aware of itself."

Starting over

Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my time.

I don't write anymore, like I used to.

I forget what I do, or what's going on in my life.

I'm so sos ososososo consumed with the world.

I'm frustrated with me. I wish I kept up with this more, for my own sake.

Do you think in heaven you won't forget things?

Today, I went to camber and Kevin got a haircut. It looked good. Service started, and I sat with David, Mandy, Tamara and them. After worship I heard the wind blowing through the cracks in the doors, and I heard the lightning, so I went outside. And it was raining. And I thought that since God created the rain it would be okay to miss church. I think God was okay with that. I stood outside and met with Ryan, and old friend I haven't gotten a chance to talk to in a while. He's much older than me, almost twice my age, but it's okay because I feel like I get along with older people. We just talked about things we used to do and things we want to do and things we should be doing because I think we forget a lot. We found a basketball that the students use, and played basketball, using our arms as hoops, and then played some wall ball in the rain. He introduced me to some of his other friends, and we talked for a good amount of time too, I'd say 30-45 minutes. Before Ryan and I went back inside, we saw a huge beetle and put it on his shoe. I snuck up behind his friend that was a girl and tried to throw it on her but she saw us and screamed really loud. I think the people inside heard. It didn't come off, and Ryan was the closest person to me so I thew it at him and he ran across the parking lot. It was fun! We went back inside and enjoyed the rest of the service. Afterwards everyone went out to enjoy the rain again. David and i did a little dance. I felt bad because I didn't hang out with the people I had went with originally - Nate and Michael and I went to fresco before.

Overall it was a good day, and I beat myself for not recording all of this. I can't make excuses for my laziness, but I think that when I get to heaven, I won't have to worry about remembering.

Do you think God lets us remember everything we did here in heaven? Because there are a lot of things I don't want to forget.

Oh, Oswald

"God called Jesus Christ to what seemed absolute disaster. And Jesus Christ called His disciples to see Him put to death, leading every one of them to the place where their hearts were broken. His life was an absolute failure from every standpoint except God’s. But what seemed to be failure from man’s standpoint was a triumph from God’s standpoint, because God’s purpose is never the same as man’s purpose."

Think think think

First of all, to my last blog, I stated that my father's parent's really didn't care about them. And until after a phone call I'd received from a family member, I realized how over dramatic I made that sound. My grandparents are very loving and caring people, and sometimes we don't mean things that we say when we're tired or frustrated or 'not in the mood'.

I guess that goes for a lot of things! A lot of things are confusing. And I need to think before I speak. I need to understand and take in knowledge before I can say I know what I'm talking about.

I think that's why I'm treading so lightly right now. I don't think I know enough, I don't think I know everything, but in some situations what I do know does not make sense to a lot of people, and what a lot of people know to be true doesn't make sense to me. When I try to speak it doesn't come out right in other people's ears, and when they speak it doesn't sound right to me either, so I'm questioning myself.

School started last monday, almost a week ago. School does not feel the same. A lot of people have graduated, a lot of people have changed, I'm meeting new people, facing new challenges. Over the summer I felt so free from 'the world', and I'm trying very hard not to get into that.

I'm trying really hard not to be on the computer a lot either. I think it's because I don't remember this week, really. I guess it hasn't been much, and therefor my brain really hasn't taken anything huge from this week and stuck it in my memory bank, but I think I need to make life exciting. I can't wait for it to be.

I have a lot of homework, but after that I'll try to do something exciting without going on the computer.

I miss you!