I'll catch you guys up, if any of you are interested in the world of Chris!
My weekend was packed full
with so many things
that I wrote about in my journal.
and it took up 3 pages
and I don't feel like typing it again
Summary:
Friday - Hung out with Kevin Cody and Kaylee at Dick's Sporting Goods and rolled down hills and watched the storm at Discovery park
Satuday - Mowed my lawn with Kevin's lawn and hung out at the church. Said the goodbyes to everyone as they went off to college at Sarah's Party. Cried.
Sunday - Church, lunch at Jimmy and Joes, homework
Lisa left for Albany today. I'll miss her so much but if she's on AIM as much as she is now then things won't change too much. I learned how to play Nertz and it is currently my favorite thing to do when I have free time. I have paperwork to start my Pocket Change club, please pray things work out. I'm listening to Copeland, and it reminds me of Winter. I'm researching on fasting and hopefully will be moved to do so soon, if anyone knows about any of that fill me in.
I'm molding into being me. I wore my TOMS to school the other day and I felt horrible. Firstly because of people's remarks towards them and secondly because of me being such a coward that I can't even stand up to these people. But God took that and moved me with it and I knew that the whole time but I still don't understand why I've been so influenced by people's thoughts towards me, or the need to be encouraged. I don't think it's a mistake because God tells us to encourage one another and I hope I do that enough for others just because I know how much encouragement means to me.
Oswald always knows what to say
"Whenever anything begins to disintegrate your life with Jesus Christ, turn to Him at once, asking Him to re-establish your rest. Never allow anything to remain in your life that is causing the unrest. Think of every detail of your life that is causing the disintegration as something to fight against, not as something you should allow to remain. Ask the Lord to put awareness of Himself in you, and your self-awareness will disappear. Then He will be your all in all. Beware of allowing your self-awareness to continue, because slowly but surely it will awaken self-pity, and self-pity is satanic. Don’t allow yourself to say, "Well, they have just misunderstood me, and this is something over which they should be apologizing to me; I’m sure I must have this cleared up with them already." Learn to leave others alone regarding this. Simply ask the Lord to give you Christ-awareness, and He will steady you until your completeness in Him is absolute.
A complete life is the life of a child. When I am fully conscious of my awareness of Christ, there is something wrong. It is the sick person who really knows what health is. A child of God is not aware of the will of God because he is the will of God. When we have deviated even slightly from the will of God, we begin to ask, "Lord, what is your will?" A child of God never prays to be made aware of the fact that God answers prayer, because he is so restfully certain that God always answers prayer.
If we try to overcome our self-awareness through any of our own commonsense methods, we will only serve to strengthen our self-awareness tremendously. Jesus says, "Come to Me . . . and I will give you rest," that is, Christ-awareness will take the place of self-awareness. Wherever Jesus comes He establishes rest— the rest of the completion of activity in our lives that is never aware of itself."
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Starting over
Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my time.
I don't write anymore, like I used to.
I forget what I do, or what's going on in my life.
I'm so sos ososososo consumed with the world.
I'm frustrated with me. I wish I kept up with this more, for my own sake.
Do you think in heaven you won't forget things?
Today, I went to camber and Kevin got a haircut. It looked good. Service started, and I sat with David, Mandy, Tamara and them. After worship I heard the wind blowing through the cracks in the doors, and I heard the lightning, so I went outside. And it was raining. And I thought that since God created the rain it would be okay to miss church. I think God was okay with that. I stood outside and met with Ryan, and old friend I haven't gotten a chance to talk to in a while. He's much older than me, almost twice my age, but it's okay because I feel like I get along with older people. We just talked about things we used to do and things we want to do and things we should be doing because I think we forget a lot. We found a basketball that the students use, and played basketball, using our arms as hoops, and then played some wall ball in the rain. He introduced me to some of his other friends, and we talked for a good amount of time too, I'd say 30-45 minutes. Before Ryan and I went back inside, we saw a huge beetle and put it on his shoe. I snuck up behind his friend that was a girl and tried to throw it on her but she saw us and screamed really loud. I think the people inside heard. It didn't come off, and Ryan was the closest person to me so I thew it at him and he ran across the parking lot. It was fun! We went back inside and enjoyed the rest of the service. Afterwards everyone went out to enjoy the rain again. David and i did a little dance. I felt bad because I didn't hang out with the people I had went with originally - Nate and Michael and I went to fresco before.
Overall it was a good day, and I beat myself for not recording all of this. I can't make excuses for my laziness, but I think that when I get to heaven, I won't have to worry about remembering.
Do you think God lets us remember everything we did here in heaven? Because there are a lot of things I don't want to forget.
I don't write anymore, like I used to.
I forget what I do, or what's going on in my life.
I'm so sos ososososo consumed with the world.
I'm frustrated with me. I wish I kept up with this more, for my own sake.
Do you think in heaven you won't forget things?
Today, I went to camber and Kevin got a haircut. It looked good. Service started, and I sat with David, Mandy, Tamara and them. After worship I heard the wind blowing through the cracks in the doors, and I heard the lightning, so I went outside. And it was raining. And I thought that since God created the rain it would be okay to miss church. I think God was okay with that. I stood outside and met with Ryan, and old friend I haven't gotten a chance to talk to in a while. He's much older than me, almost twice my age, but it's okay because I feel like I get along with older people. We just talked about things we used to do and things we want to do and things we should be doing because I think we forget a lot. We found a basketball that the students use, and played basketball, using our arms as hoops, and then played some wall ball in the rain. He introduced me to some of his other friends, and we talked for a good amount of time too, I'd say 30-45 minutes. Before Ryan and I went back inside, we saw a huge beetle and put it on his shoe. I snuck up behind his friend that was a girl and tried to throw it on her but she saw us and screamed really loud. I think the people inside heard. It didn't come off, and Ryan was the closest person to me so I thew it at him and he ran across the parking lot. It was fun! We went back inside and enjoyed the rest of the service. Afterwards everyone went out to enjoy the rain again. David and i did a little dance. I felt bad because I didn't hang out with the people I had went with originally - Nate and Michael and I went to fresco before.
Overall it was a good day, and I beat myself for not recording all of this. I can't make excuses for my laziness, but I think that when I get to heaven, I won't have to worry about remembering.
Do you think God lets us remember everything we did here in heaven? Because there are a lot of things I don't want to forget.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Oh, Oswald
"God called Jesus Christ to what seemed absolute disaster. And Jesus Christ called His disciples to see Him put to death, leading every one of them to the place where their hearts were broken. His life was an absolute failure from every standpoint except God’s. But what seemed to be failure from man’s standpoint was a triumph from God’s standpoint, because God’s purpose is never the same as man’s purpose."
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Think think think
First of all, to my last blog, I stated that my father's parent's really didn't care about them. And until after a phone call I'd received from a family member, I realized how over dramatic I made that sound. My grandparents are very loving and caring people, and sometimes we don't mean things that we say when we're tired or frustrated or 'not in the mood'.
I guess that goes for a lot of things! A lot of things are confusing. And I need to think before I speak. I need to understand and take in knowledge before I can say I know what I'm talking about.
I think that's why I'm treading so lightly right now. I don't think I know enough, I don't think I know everything, but in some situations what I do know does not make sense to a lot of people, and what a lot of people know to be true doesn't make sense to me. When I try to speak it doesn't come out right in other people's ears, and when they speak it doesn't sound right to me either, so I'm questioning myself.
School started last monday, almost a week ago. School does not feel the same. A lot of people have graduated, a lot of people have changed, I'm meeting new people, facing new challenges. Over the summer I felt so free from 'the world', and I'm trying very hard not to get into that.
I'm trying really hard not to be on the computer a lot either. I think it's because I don't remember this week, really. I guess it hasn't been much, and therefor my brain really hasn't taken anything huge from this week and stuck it in my memory bank, but I think I need to make life exciting. I can't wait for it to be.
I have a lot of homework, but after that I'll try to do something exciting without going on the computer.
I miss you!
I guess that goes for a lot of things! A lot of things are confusing. And I need to think before I speak. I need to understand and take in knowledge before I can say I know what I'm talking about.
I think that's why I'm treading so lightly right now. I don't think I know enough, I don't think I know everything, but in some situations what I do know does not make sense to a lot of people, and what a lot of people know to be true doesn't make sense to me. When I try to speak it doesn't come out right in other people's ears, and when they speak it doesn't sound right to me either, so I'm questioning myself.
School started last monday, almost a week ago. School does not feel the same. A lot of people have graduated, a lot of people have changed, I'm meeting new people, facing new challenges. Over the summer I felt so free from 'the world', and I'm trying very hard not to get into that.
I'm trying really hard not to be on the computer a lot either. I think it's because I don't remember this week, really. I guess it hasn't been much, and therefor my brain really hasn't taken anything huge from this week and stuck it in my memory bank, but I think I need to make life exciting. I can't wait for it to be.
I have a lot of homework, but after that I'll try to do something exciting without going on the computer.
I miss you!
Monday, July 28, 2008
What does it mean to be successful?
Neither of my parents grew up with any sort of spiritual background. My father's parents could care less if he was dead or alive, and my mother's grandparents started a church, but her closer family moved away when my mother was only 5. I came to know the Lord really really really with my own decision in the 7th grade at Cornerstone. My mother was happy for me, and my dad said I could believe what I wanted.
For a long time, my mother was hesitant about ever going to Cornerstone. She'd heard stories of them being too loud, people smoking and making out in the back of the church. She thought it was a bad place, until I made her come to Christmas service where she cried, and has been going ever since.
My mother and I had always seemed to be on the same page as far as our views of Christ until recently. I guess I started to step beyond just what I was learning at church, and pulled out some books, and started to read myself. And learn myself. And my out views have changed in a lot of ways.
What concerns me is how the wealth of the world is divided so so so unevenly, and though we can't get it all back until God melts every heart, it's been such a struggle decided what I want to do in my life, and what I want to do about THAT issue.
My mother has always told me that school comes first, best effort, best education, best degree, get all the money you want, and spend it the right way. Only work 3 days a week, get a paid to be off, and spend your time with the kids in Africa, give your money to build houses and schools. She talks so much about how important money is. How I think so much about living life for God, but it's not 'reality'. I need money to live, and I need money to support and provide for my family. Which, is true.
Shane Claiborne wrote how he basically became homeless and reached out into people just in his community (truth be told that, although people get to here the Gospel several times in the U.S., it's no good if it's the wrong Gospel, or if it was set by a bad example. And I think regardless the fact if they'd heard it or not, there's still just as big a party when a sinner becomes saved) in his book The Irresistible Revolution. He got money from people who already had money, and he spent his life focused on the lives of other's and assuring Jesus was their personal savior, and by letting God handle who gave the money and how much.
A lot of people without money do it. They ask the people who have money to give it to the right causes besides bigger houses and nicer cars and things. Is it better that way? Is it better to explain the cause to get the money? Or is it better to work a high paying job where people are most likely paying thousands to you for your service (dentistry, being a doctor, graphic design, etc.) and use your money that way. I think that's tricking almost, and it's not even first hand.
Jesus also said that the beggar who gives his 2 pennies to the church has more faith than the rich man who only donated a few hundred. The beggar has more trust and gave everything he had, while the rich man only donated what he felt was sufficient.
I hear the words 'success' and 'successful' a lot. I go to one of the top high schools in the state, and all the teachers are just talking about making money and 'being successful?'
What does it mean to be SUCCESSFUL? Successful in CHRIST? Is it getting the good education and the high paying job and using your money for Christ and to do good with it like my mother suggests? Or is it being a person who puts Christ first, and seeks the hearts of those who have held the money and hopes that God would melt their heart and ultimately like Shane. Is it having a regular job and doing your best to support what you can? Is it about having your job being Christ related? Or is it not even about that?
Where does money come in play with being successful in Christ?
How does this all fit together?
For a long time, my mother was hesitant about ever going to Cornerstone. She'd heard stories of them being too loud, people smoking and making out in the back of the church. She thought it was a bad place, until I made her come to Christmas service where she cried, and has been going ever since.
My mother and I had always seemed to be on the same page as far as our views of Christ until recently. I guess I started to step beyond just what I was learning at church, and pulled out some books, and started to read myself. And learn myself. And my out views have changed in a lot of ways.
What concerns me is how the wealth of the world is divided so so so unevenly, and though we can't get it all back until God melts every heart, it's been such a struggle decided what I want to do in my life, and what I want to do about THAT issue.
My mother has always told me that school comes first, best effort, best education, best degree, get all the money you want, and spend it the right way. Only work 3 days a week, get a paid to be off, and spend your time with the kids in Africa, give your money to build houses and schools. She talks so much about how important money is. How I think so much about living life for God, but it's not 'reality'. I need money to live, and I need money to support and provide for my family. Which, is true.
Shane Claiborne wrote how he basically became homeless and reached out into people just in his community (truth be told that, although people get to here the Gospel several times in the U.S., it's no good if it's the wrong Gospel, or if it was set by a bad example. And I think regardless the fact if they'd heard it or not, there's still just as big a party when a sinner becomes saved) in his book The Irresistible Revolution. He got money from people who already had money, and he spent his life focused on the lives of other's and assuring Jesus was their personal savior, and by letting God handle who gave the money and how much.
A lot of people without money do it. They ask the people who have money to give it to the right causes besides bigger houses and nicer cars and things. Is it better that way? Is it better to explain the cause to get the money? Or is it better to work a high paying job where people are most likely paying thousands to you for your service (dentistry, being a doctor, graphic design, etc.) and use your money that way. I think that's tricking almost, and it's not even first hand.
Jesus also said that the beggar who gives his 2 pennies to the church has more faith than the rich man who only donated a few hundred. The beggar has more trust and gave everything he had, while the rich man only donated what he felt was sufficient.
I hear the words 'success' and 'successful' a lot. I go to one of the top high schools in the state, and all the teachers are just talking about making money and 'being successful?'
What does it mean to be SUCCESSFUL? Successful in CHRIST? Is it getting the good education and the high paying job and using your money for Christ and to do good with it like my mother suggests? Or is it being a person who puts Christ first, and seeks the hearts of those who have held the money and hopes that God would melt their heart and ultimately like Shane. Is it having a regular job and doing your best to support what you can? Is it about having your job being Christ related? Or is it not even about that?
Where does money come in play with being successful in Christ?
How does this all fit together?
Friday, July 25, 2008
What you feel only matters to you
"...it's what you do to the people you say you love that matters, it's the only thing that counts"
First post in a while, it's a hefty one!
Lately I've been having trouble showing love go the people I say I love, and ultimately that's disobeying Jesus. I could talk about my friends, but I'd also like to point out the world. A missionary came to Merge the other day, and he asked us 'Who here loves Jesus?' and of course the entire room raises their hand. His message was about Jesus' command of loving our neighbors (ultimately, everyone around us), and that not showing love to your neighbors isn't following Jesus at all. We can mumble all day about how we want to be nice to strangers, how we hope that Africa will get a miracle. But we are supposed to be that miracle. Those foreign countries and even areas in our own communities are our neighbors! And the feeling and longing for them to be given food and home and a shelter and, most importantly, the relationship with Jesus, is just a feeling. It only matters to us. What we do about it is what will make the difference.
So,
I'll be starting a club at school this year, and I'm thinking about calling it 'Pocket Change'. Here's the deal...
- Hamilton High School has 3,300 students.
- Blood:Water Mission is currently on a mission to raise enough money to build 1,000 wells in different countries in Africa.
- It costs an estimated $2,000 to build a well
- If every student in the school donated $5 over the course of the entire school year just from their 'pocket change', thatds be about $16,500
- $16,000 divided by $2,000 is 8, or 8 wells that could be built.
- It costs an estimated $2 to print the new testament in a native language.
- The remaining $500 divided by $2 is about 250 bibles.
Just because we are in school across the world doesn't mean we are 'stuck'. I want to leave here SO BAD at times. Sometimes I'm tired of parental confinement, school confinement, this whole system of who's hot who's not, but God doesn't always give us what we want. He'll discipline us, sweetly or straightforward. God has us here because He can use us. I'm asking for help. It's not going to be easy. Especially in high school. I'll need about 15 people total willing to help, a teacher sponsor, and lots and lots of prayer that we go a out this the right way. That we would not be afraid to share but to show respect as well. To give reason and show people a purpose. To not be focused on how much money we really get, but how much love and heart we can show to the 3,300 other students who God has a plan for, and that that would spawn the beneficial money towards saving lives. Man, that is SO hard for me to remember. I mean we're all guilty of having that friend that doesn't know Jesus and they don't want to bother so we keep quiet. Or sometimes people think some are impossible to convince. I listened to an old Merge sermon where Ryan threw his life infront of the stage. He didn't hide anything, he told us his troubles through high school, through growing up, but God took a "peice of junk" and "bragged with it." Jesus had the sinners and tax collectors all over him. Let's not forget about the people here too, that don't know Jesus, because we are their examples and could very well be the reason they see Jesus is calling us to something different, or we could also be the reason they stay away. Anyways, I hope some of you would like to help.
I'd like to apologize, too. For not always practicing what I preach. For pushing out my chest sometimes. I forget who gives me courage and the words to speak, and I thank you for those of you who remind me, and don't make me feel like an idiot about it (haha), but who aren't afraid to keep me in check rather.
In other news, school starts Monday. I talked to Travis Chavez in Tijauana a few nights ago on the phone. It was nice catching up! With Keira Jennet in Kenya, too! (Click on both of those links! They're AMAZING! Seriously. Do it). Except thru the computer. The world is so small. I had a blast at some birthday parties, celebrated some birthdays at shows, and have been hanging with some new friends that really keep me going. And I still have those true friends (+ more) that are still tagging along side me and I appreciate so much! Missing some people too. Things just change I guess...
Agh, so much stuff to talk about. Follow me on twitter if you're really interested!
Love all of you!
-Chris
P.S.
I love feedback! Tell me I'm wrong, tell me I'm right. Read this, watch that. Connect things, give me ideas. I know I'm not in this alone. God gave me a community!
First post in a while, it's a hefty one!
Lately I've been having trouble showing love go the people I say I love, and ultimately that's disobeying Jesus. I could talk about my friends, but I'd also like to point out the world. A missionary came to Merge the other day, and he asked us 'Who here loves Jesus?' and of course the entire room raises their hand. His message was about Jesus' command of loving our neighbors (ultimately, everyone around us), and that not showing love to your neighbors isn't following Jesus at all. We can mumble all day about how we want to be nice to strangers, how we hope that Africa will get a miracle. But we are supposed to be that miracle. Those foreign countries and even areas in our own communities are our neighbors! And the feeling and longing for them to be given food and home and a shelter and, most importantly, the relationship with Jesus, is just a feeling. It only matters to us. What we do about it is what will make the difference.
So,
I'll be starting a club at school this year, and I'm thinking about calling it 'Pocket Change'. Here's the deal...
- Hamilton High School has 3,300 students.
- Blood:Water Mission is currently on a mission to raise enough money to build 1,000 wells in different countries in Africa.
- It costs an estimated $2,000 to build a well
- If every student in the school donated $5 over the course of the entire school year just from their 'pocket change', thatds be about $16,500
- $16,000 divided by $2,000 is 8, or 8 wells that could be built.
- It costs an estimated $2 to print the new testament in a native language.
- The remaining $500 divided by $2 is about 250 bibles.
Just because we are in school across the world doesn't mean we are 'stuck'. I want to leave here SO BAD at times. Sometimes I'm tired of parental confinement, school confinement, this whole system of who's hot who's not, but God doesn't always give us what we want. He'll discipline us, sweetly or straightforward. God has us here because He can use us. I'm asking for help. It's not going to be easy. Especially in high school. I'll need about 15 people total willing to help, a teacher sponsor, and lots and lots of prayer that we go a out this the right way. That we would not be afraid to share but to show respect as well. To give reason and show people a purpose. To not be focused on how much money we really get, but how much love and heart we can show to the 3,300 other students who God has a plan for, and that that would spawn the beneficial money towards saving lives. Man, that is SO hard for me to remember. I mean we're all guilty of having that friend that doesn't know Jesus and they don't want to bother so we keep quiet. Or sometimes people think some are impossible to convince. I listened to an old Merge sermon where Ryan threw his life infront of the stage. He didn't hide anything, he told us his troubles through high school, through growing up, but God took a "peice of junk" and "bragged with it." Jesus had the sinners and tax collectors all over him. Let's not forget about the people here too, that don't know Jesus, because we are their examples and could very well be the reason they see Jesus is calling us to something different, or we could also be the reason they stay away. Anyways, I hope some of you would like to help.
I'd like to apologize, too. For not always practicing what I preach. For pushing out my chest sometimes. I forget who gives me courage and the words to speak, and I thank you for those of you who remind me, and don't make me feel like an idiot about it (haha), but who aren't afraid to keep me in check rather.
In other news, school starts Monday. I talked to Travis Chavez in Tijauana a few nights ago on the phone. It was nice catching up! With Keira Jennet in Kenya, too! (Click on both of those links! They're AMAZING! Seriously. Do it). Except thru the computer. The world is so small. I had a blast at some birthday parties, celebrated some birthdays at shows, and have been hanging with some new friends that really keep me going. And I still have those true friends (+ more) that are still tagging along side me and I appreciate so much! Missing some people too. Things just change I guess...
Agh, so much stuff to talk about. Follow me on twitter if you're really interested!
Love all of you!
-Chris
P.S.
I love feedback! Tell me I'm wrong, tell me I'm right. Read this, watch that. Connect things, give me ideas. I know I'm not in this alone. God gave me a community!
Monday, July 14, 2008
Careful Hands
"Put your coat on, this city trembles.
Keep your chin up, as you untangle God
From cold blood and bruises.
We are X-rays of something broken.
Cursive bloodlines write every forecast:
An orchestration Of dissonance and innocent surrender.
When our color dies,
We will bury the ashes of time,
And we will earn new eyes.
Wrists get tired rewriting futures.
Our bodies beg us to be creatures of habit.
We are creatures of habit.
Only with careful hands
We’ll turn their fangs into feathers and cures.
Only with careful hands
We’ll divide the prisoner
From the pioneer.
Clever beauty,
Umbrellas folding.
In architecture, our lines will measure
A map to find us.
Blue ink will guide us home.
Cranes are creeping, lifting metal,
We will find new ways to settle,
Tipping scales from the killer to its prey.
I can feel the weight around us,
Climbing every rib inside us,
A sanctuary in a lion’s mouth"
Keep your chin up, as you untangle God
From cold blood and bruises.
We are X-rays of something broken.
Cursive bloodlines write every forecast:
An orchestration Of dissonance and innocent surrender.
When our color dies,
We will bury the ashes of time,
And we will earn new eyes.
Wrists get tired rewriting futures.
Our bodies beg us to be creatures of habit.
We are creatures of habit.
Only with careful hands
We’ll turn their fangs into feathers and cures.
Only with careful hands
We’ll divide the prisoner
From the pioneer.
Clever beauty,
Umbrellas folding.
In architecture, our lines will measure
A map to find us.
Blue ink will guide us home.
Cranes are creeping, lifting metal,
We will find new ways to settle,
Tipping scales from the killer to its prey.
I can feel the weight around us,
Climbing every rib inside us,
A sanctuary in a lion’s mouth"
Sunday, July 13, 2008
I think that if
the worst things I can complain about
is my computer running too slow
or my father being aggressive
then my life is pretty comfortable.
And I'm getting really tired of comfortable.
I'm praying for something to wake me up
Whatever is blocking me
I just need to break down
And I think that starts here
is my computer running too slow
or my father being aggressive
then my life is pretty comfortable.
And I'm getting really tired of comfortable.
I'm praying for something to wake me up
Whatever is blocking me
I just need to break down
And I think that starts here
Saturday, July 12, 2008
These next two weeks will be a pain
It's currently 2 AM and this is my new sleep schedule my body is being adjusted to
In 16 days I'll have to be sure that I can make myself awake by 6 because I'm taking a zero hour class this upcoming year. I don't always know what I'm working for, or why I plan on putting so much effort into this, but I guess work, regardless of the matter, is good for rounding out your edges.
Life hasn't been bad. I've been reading a lot lately. Reading for school, reading for wisdom, and reading just for the sake of good authors with no purpose besides just writing itself. And In all of this I've been taking notes and trying to become better at memorizing but I realize my sleeping habits aren't helping, so I have to review several times a day.
I don't always know what I want to remember when I read, so in result I write down more than I think I should. I don't know what it's doing for me now, but I hope that sometime in the near future these notes will become more useful. And sometimes the inability to just remember off the bat is frustrating and inconvenient when reflecting things. I never pick up on little details, just the story in general.
I guess it's all just having some kind of clever side I guess. Dallas Willard talks about cleverness in his book The Divine Conspiracy. It was convicting when I read it, but realized God wired all of us to want to be something more.
I hope I'm doing the right thing in my life right now. Goly, I think everybody is thinking that. In my head it's "prepare now, serve later" but I don't think I'll ever be fully prepared, and they're always be a need that needs to be served, regardless of who I am or what it is. I think I get wrapped up elsewhere. C.S. Lewis said "If Satan can't steal your soul, he'll give you meaningless work to do instead". I hope I'm not doing meaningless work.
It's a hard parade, just be courageous
In 16 days I'll have to be sure that I can make myself awake by 6 because I'm taking a zero hour class this upcoming year. I don't always know what I'm working for, or why I plan on putting so much effort into this, but I guess work, regardless of the matter, is good for rounding out your edges.
Life hasn't been bad. I've been reading a lot lately. Reading for school, reading for wisdom, and reading just for the sake of good authors with no purpose besides just writing itself. And In all of this I've been taking notes and trying to become better at memorizing but I realize my sleeping habits aren't helping, so I have to review several times a day.
I don't always know what I want to remember when I read, so in result I write down more than I think I should. I don't know what it's doing for me now, but I hope that sometime in the near future these notes will become more useful. And sometimes the inability to just remember off the bat is frustrating and inconvenient when reflecting things. I never pick up on little details, just the story in general.
I guess it's all just having some kind of clever side I guess. Dallas Willard talks about cleverness in his book The Divine Conspiracy. It was convicting when I read it, but realized God wired all of us to want to be something more.
I hope I'm doing the right thing in my life right now. Goly, I think everybody is thinking that. In my head it's "prepare now, serve later" but I don't think I'll ever be fully prepared, and they're always be a need that needs to be served, regardless of who I am or what it is. I think I get wrapped up elsewhere. C.S. Lewis said "If Satan can't steal your soul, he'll give you meaningless work to do instead". I hope I'm not doing meaningless work.
It's a hard parade, just be courageous
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
I'm upset that my age is catching up with me...
My whole life I've been told "you look older than you really are!"
or "you're more mature than most people your age."
I'll be a sophomore, and my foot size hasn't changed in a year. I've grown half an inch since the end of 8th grade. My hair is the same, my face the same. Pictures a year ago look like they were taken last week.
And looking back on it all right now, turning 16 this year, I think I could've done a lot of better things with my time. The heart was always there, just nothing to pump the blood. I wont loath, but I'd hate to feel the same when I graduate high school.
Nathan told me the story about a student he had at his old church, who'll be a freshman this year, who's raised over $100,000 total in a program he started called "Hoops for Hope". He asked people to sponsor him according to amount of free throw shots he made on his own, or something along those lines, and the money he'll get will be donated to a village in Africa. He started in in 6th grade. He'll be a freshman this year. Wow, talk about not wasting your time! They've built a hospital and school with that money.
I spend more time mapping out the trip then trusting the signs on the freeway that tell me how to get there.
or "you're more mature than most people your age."
I'll be a sophomore, and my foot size hasn't changed in a year. I've grown half an inch since the end of 8th grade. My hair is the same, my face the same. Pictures a year ago look like they were taken last week.
And looking back on it all right now, turning 16 this year, I think I could've done a lot of better things with my time. The heart was always there, just nothing to pump the blood. I wont loath, but I'd hate to feel the same when I graduate high school.
Nathan told me the story about a student he had at his old church, who'll be a freshman this year, who's raised over $100,000 total in a program he started called "Hoops for Hope". He asked people to sponsor him according to amount of free throw shots he made on his own, or something along those lines, and the money he'll get will be donated to a village in Africa. He started in in 6th grade. He'll be a freshman this year. Wow, talk about not wasting your time! They've built a hospital and school with that money.
I spend more time mapping out the trip then trusting the signs on the freeway that tell me how to get there.
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